Hubs is listening to the weirdest and cheesiest radio stations on iTunes. Try “Doomed.” I do not want to meet the person that listens to this. They would either be preparing the sacred chamber for their meeting with The Evil One or making out a grocery list for what would go well as a side dish with my flesh marinated for a few hours and seared on a hot grill, then sprinkled with coarse ground pepper and cilantro.

The other one is “Only Romantic and Sexy Music.”  Right. If The Carpenters are your idea of sexy.

Next is “Gong.” As in what was so bad that even rap artists nixed it. Who PAYS for this? Me? Every time I buy a song from iTunes?

I can't believe this. What I can believe is I believe I will go to sleep early. Now THAT's my idea of treating myself to a little something.

9/11:  Saw a replay of everything while getting my coffee at Burger King this AM and was almost physically ill in the floor.  Left quickly while saying a prayer.  Horrid recall for us all.

The Big Ass News this week is:  My 78-year-old mother has mononucleosis.  Seriously.

I popped down yesterday on the spur of the moment to see her and cheer her up a bit since all her friends think the mono will attack them if they get within ten feet.  I asked her whom she had been kissing.  She was not amused.

The Big Ass Diet is not going well, since I stayed on it a week and worked out every day and lost not one ounce.  So I got discouraged and fell off the wagon for three days, but I am back on.  

The two shawls that I was about to turn into cat toys have not met their demise:  I frogged (ripped out) one of them and begin a new, simpler shawl.  The other one is marinating in the guest closet and may return Fall 2012 when I am a Better Knitter.

Thing One passed his qualifying exam in Analysis and will be continuing his 4-year quest for a PhD at Boston College in Topology with an emphasis on 4-dimensional manifolds.  Do not ask me what that means. All I do know is that topological manifolds have nothing to do with a pre-1990s automobile engine.

Thing Two is buckling down once again to his studies after The Scholarship Scare and does little else besides studying and practicing. For now, this is as it should be.

Now I must hurry to Kids' Choir practice at church.  Have a great week and sorry for the brief update.  More next week.

I hate diets.

Have you ever met anyone who said they love their diet? They're lying.  They like the way their diet makes them look and the effect it has on their health and well-being, but they do NOT love eating less food than their body wants, nor would they choose to eat the food they're eating on their diet if it wasn't low-fat and low-sugar.  They do not love their diet; they love the effects of their diet.

I don't particularly like the feeling of an empty stomach, but I can deal with it. The reason I really hate diets is because I hate having low blood sugar 75% of the day and night. Believe me, I have been on every diet for blood sugar problems since 1974 and it doesn't matter. 

But as I said in my last blog, Something Must Be Done.

Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday.  I am going to go out to eat with Hubs after Kids' Choir tomorrow night.  We will go to Longhorn.  I may even eat steak instead of fish.  When we come home, I will fix myself a Long Island Tea. Sort of a Last Supper.

Thursday, I will begin The BAD.

The BAD is a diet I made up myself.  It's cheap, it requires almost no cooking, and there's not much measuring. It does require exercise, but not high impact, since I can't do that anymore.  Here's the gist:

Workout or walk 30 min every day but Sunday

 Breakfast – choose one

Frozen diet egg mcmuff

High protein frozen pancakes or waffles + 1 tbp PB

High protein cereal+yogurt ½ cup each

Boiled egg and whole wheat toast

High Protein Smoothie – 2 cups

 Snack – choose one:

Yogurt

½ Larabar (whole if I exercised in AM)

 Lunch - choose one:

Soup at Hand+Salad greens+ dressing+ whole wheat crackers

Salad greens+sunflower seeds+dressing+crackers

Lean Cuisine sandwich

 Snack:

Same as AM

 Supper

Lean Cuisine & Extra veggie

 Snack - choose one

Frozen Diet fudgesicle

High protein smoothie – ½ cup and add ice

If there are no children or proper people around, BAD stands for Bad Ass Diet.  This is because:

1) My ass looks really bad (I mean "bad" as in "not good," as opposed to "bad" as in "sexy.").

2) I will have a bad attitude because I am on a diet.

If there are children and proper people around, then it's the Baked Alaska Diet, because at the end, you make yourself Baked Alaska. But I ain't gon' call it that since I avoid cooking whenever possible, especially things that require beating the snot outta egg whites when the result gives you some wimpy dessert that tastes like burned air. I'll bet most of the people in Alaska think it's a wimpy dessert and they eat decent desserts with chocolate and butter and caramel and cream.

But I digress.

My BAD will start Thursday.  Readers, you are my witnesses.  You may be silent, you may be vocal, you may be only one crazy lady in Texas and my BIL, but if my accountability is only Hubs, there will be homicide. And I really don't want to lose weight by sitting on Death Row.  Plus, what's the point if you lose weight?  You have to wear those jumpsuits that make you look like an orange popsicle.

So when people say, "I haven't seen you in a while.  Dang, you have certainly gained some weight," I can say back, "Yeah, I know.  Oops; My BAD."

 PS:  Whatever happened to the thing on Xanga where you could put what book, music, or movie you were enjoying?